Ch ch ch ch.... changes!

Changes indeed.

Well, I know I said I would be back full force but, as you can most certainly see, that did not happen quite as I had hoped. However I am here with an update, some words of encouragement, and the hope of a return to blogging (once and for all).

This blog has a lot to do with changes (hence the title) so I am just going to cut to the point:

I've changed.

Am I am sooooooooo thankful.

This past May 28th was my 1-year anniversary of my RNY Gastic Bypass. As of this point I have lost 129lbs and am currently weighing in at 216lbs. I have lost a full grown person! Or, as I love to picture, I've lost 129 guinea pigs (they average 1 lb apiece you know!). I honestly don't even know where I would stick them on! It's insane! At first when I went in for my 1yr appointment I was a little disappointed with myself. I REALLY wanted to be at 199 by that appointment and was 17 lbs short but then I said to myself, and both Dr Hart and Rachel have said, I have done amazing! Some people don't so as well as I did in the first year and I need to just get over the stupid number and look at it as an amazing accomplishment! So now my current mini-goal is to get to 199 and after that 170 (Dr. Hart's original goal for me). Once i get to that point I will re-evaluate and see what my next goal will be.

The past year has been full of struggles - no one said this was easy after all! I have had to work my butt off to be as successful as I have been and I continue to work my butt off to continue to lose weight and be a success. I am coming out and saying this is a struggle because I don't want anyone to think that this is easy and all they have to do it cut and stitch you up and that's it. My battle with obesity is ongoing - it never stops and it never will. I will spend the rest of my life working to get to the point where I am happy with my weight and then working to stay there. I read a friend's blog recently and she talked about why it is good to have a healthy dose of fear - fear of failure. I couldn't agree more! I live with this fear everyday, and when I have bad days I remember this fear, this battle, and pick myself up and move along. I will not allow myself to fail - it just isn't an option.

Changes. Yes, I have changed physically there is no doubt. But I have also changed emotionally and as a person. Many will say that just because you have lost weight doesn't change who you are, and I will agree with that but only to an extent. I don't see how losing so much weight CANT change you. I was always the fat funny chick - hiding behind my larger than life personality, friends with all the boys, and the bringer of food for all my friends. Now I am the funny chick that doesn't have to hide behind these others things. I still love being the bringer of food, its just who I am. I feel that I don't go out of my way now to be a "big personality" to overcome for my size. I am a little more reserved now, but I like that about me. I also have changed how I look at things. I have a new outlook on life in general. I have TAKEN MY LIFE BACK out of Death's clutches and now I am running my life again. Right after surgery I decided I was ready to go back to school after a 2-year hiatus. I'm working on going into medicine - ever since surgery my focus has been leaning more towards Bariatrics. I want to use my life experiences to help others. Before surgery I was just coasting on the ride of life and now I am an active participant - and it feels amazing! Don't misunderstand me - I am still the super geeky outgoing gal I've always been, just a better version :)

Like Ghandi said: "be the change you wish to see in the world"

It is something I am striving to do, and I encourage - no, I challenge, you to take up that mantle and be the change you wish to see in yourself.

peace out

Mel :)